I close my eyes. I continue to ponder about the things you've said. It has been a month and nothing's changed. I open my eyes and i see the pitch black sky. There's no stars tonight. I felt lonely. I keep asking myself, what went wrong? Of what I did or didn't do. I've been carrying this for quite some time now. The pain. The sadness. The hate. The anger. The loneliness. All these unanswered questions. But despite of all that, I still miss you. I still love you more than ever.
Inhaling the cigar that I just lit, it feels like I am gasping for air. I inhaled a bit longer, hoping it would numb all of what I feel.
Lying here, it feels like time has stopped.
I hope, and prayed that this night would never end.
Prayed not to see daylight again.
For it has caused me a lot of wishful thinking, a lot of hoping, that tomorrow, every thing will be alright.
But it never is.
False hope. I've had enough of that.
I've had enough of this pain.
I've had enough of pretending i'm alright.
That everything's fine.
That night, I realized,
No matter how much coffee I drink or how much cigar I consume, it will not satiate anything.
But it gave me comfort knowing that I can never run out of coffee, and cigar.
Oh that one night, it costed me. But I didn't care. For the first time in months, i felt free.